if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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