Define "chronic" masturbator.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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