i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
