I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
