Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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