Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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