We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
