I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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