you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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