There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
