If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My ATM looks so different sober.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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