What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
