Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
