so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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