mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
