The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
