We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize