he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
