Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
pop tarts are not kleenex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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