Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
