It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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