I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
