I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
