Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
