Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
