fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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