3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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