dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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