We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
