2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
