my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
