i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
