Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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