remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
