All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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