Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
