I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
