she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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