my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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