When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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