You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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