Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
