I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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