Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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