Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
