i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
