sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
