He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i think my cat just said my name.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize