Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
