He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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