Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
