2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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