he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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