Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
