you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
