I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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