Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
