According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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