Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
