I faked an abortion last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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