If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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