Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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