I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize