I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
