I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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