you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
