is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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