he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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