I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
